Communication is a vital part of any relationship, but often it can be hard to keep the conversation going.
As time goes by in a relationship, you may even feel conversations become lazier or for lack of better words; boring.
Asking deep questions is the best way to open a conversation between you and your partner. You will find out more about each other and consequently form a deeper relationship.
So, you may be asking yourself what are some deep questions to ask in a relationship? To help get you started, this article will contain a list of example questions.
Jump on topic:
- What are the 36 questions?
- Our List of 50 Deep questions to ask in a relationship
- Importance of communication and trust in a relationship
You may also be skeptical about the impact that questions can have on your relationship. Before continuing, it is a good idea to familiarise yourself with the ‘36 questions’ that lead to love.
What are the 36 questions?
One of the most famous studies on love by Arthur Aron documented the impact of 36 questions between 2 strangers.
He split up participants into 2 groups, then had them pair up and talk to each other for 45 minutes. One group was left to make small talk; the other received a list of 36 questions that they would go through one at a time.
These questions became more personal over time and at the end they shared roughly 4 minutes of sustained eye contact.
The fascinating thing about this is that 6 months after the study, one of the pairs had fallen in love and eventually got married. This was one of the pairs that went through the questions.
Furthermore, in 2015, an article about one New York Times writer’s experience using the questions went viral. Mandy Lee Catron tried the 36-question strategy when out on a date with a stranger and the two fell in love soon after.
So now that we’ve covered the potential power of questions – it’s time to look a 50 of the most thought-provoking, deep questions to ask in a relationship:
Our List of 50 Deep questions to ask in a relationship
How can you top it?
2. What makes you happy?
It’s such a simple question but it’s so hard to answer. You will always learn more about each other when asking this.
3. Who do you most admire, and why?
Finding out who your partner looks up to can tell you a lot about them.
4. What’s your biggest fear?
Share your fears and face them together.
5. When was the last time you cried, and why?
Many people still suffer on their own, even whilst in a relationship.
This is one of the most personal and deep questions to ask in a relationship and it reminds you that it’s ok to share your pain with each other.
6. What is the best way I can be a supportive partner to you?
There might be something which you didn’t think about.
7. What can we do to make our relationship stronger?
Just asking each other these questions is a big step in making your relationship stronger.
8. When do you feel most loved?
Find out what at what times they feel most loved. Create more of these moments.
9. If we could switch places for a day, what do you think would surprise me the most?
This question can turn into quite a funny discussion.
10. How can I make you feel more appreciated?
This question reminds you not to take your partner for granted.
Appreciate them and more importantly – show them your appreciation.
11. What are your life goals?
In terms of deep questions to ask in a relationship, no list would be complete without a question to find out more about your partners dreams.
Find out what really motivates them and help them get to where they want to be.
When does it cross the line of too much information?
13. What were your first thoughts when we met?
This question can lead to comical answers. Many couples have admitted to finding each other a bit weird when they first met.
14. How do you imagine our future?
This is one of the deep questions to ask in a relationship that leads to thought provoking discussion.
Are you compatible down the line? Will you change? Will they still like you in a year?
Sometimes, the best relationships have no plan.
15. What is a relationship deal breaker?
Knowing the limits of your significant other is key to success in a long-term relationship.
16. What is the best relationship advice you have heard?
This question will help you understand how they approach the relationship. Heed the advice.
17. What would you change about our relationship?
No relationship is perfect. The successful ones involve adapting to the others needs.
18. Do you believe we are soulmates? Why?
It may sound stupid. Why be together if you are not soulmates?
Sometimes, people just end up together. The answer to this question may be a good indicator to the future of a relationship.
19. What’s the funniest memory we’ve had together?
A great question to lighten the mood.
20. If we were to break up, what would you miss about me the most?
This question works wonders as it reminds you of what life would be like without the other.
21. Is there anything you are scared about with our relationship?
It might be your history, having to move because of your job, or plain insecurities.
Find out what it is that scares them about the relationship and address the issue.
22. What one word would you use to describe our relationship?
It can actually be quite hard to come up with just one word and the answers are likely lead to further questions.
23. Do you believe we’re compatible?
What is compatible? Is anyone truly compatible? While the definition is vague, it makes for a fun conversation.
24. What is one thing you would like me to do more?
It could be something simple like taking out the trash. Then again, it could be something deeper such as apologising when you are wrong.
25. How much have we changed since we first met?
Reflecting on how you’ve grown together can be an emotional experience.
26. How is our relationship unique compared to others?
What makes you different as a couple? Finding the unique things about your relationship can remind you as to why it’s so great.
27. What could we improve in our relationship?
You may be happy together, but there’s always something you can improve in a relationship.
28. Have you always been open to me?
There may be times where you doubted your partners honesty. Bring these moments up and clear up any potential misunderstandings.
29. What thing do I hate about myself that you love?
Great couples increase each other’s confidence.
30. What would you define as cheating?
It’s important to set boundaries so that you don’t hurt one another down the line.
31. How would you want to spend a special day with each other?
This is your chance to plan a date based off their answer.
32. What kind of parent do you think you’d be?
This question gives a glimpse of the future. Even if you don’t plan on having kids, it can help you learn a lot about your significant other.
33. Would you say I understand how you feel?
One of the best deep questions to ask in a relationship.
If the answer is no, ask them what you can do to improve that dynamic.
34. If you could ask me anything and have me answer honestly, what would it be?
Be prepared for some real, honest and open discussion. That’s what these questions are all about.
35. Do you remember the first things we said to each other?
Reminiscing is a great way to rekindle and remind yourselves about those early feelings.
36. Would you lie to make me happy? If so, where would you draw the line?
Everyone tells small lies. It’s normal. The problem is when these lies verge on the line of manipulativeness.
37. Do you feel that I fill the roles of best friend and lover?
If you are in it for the long-term, it won’t work unless you are also best friends.
38. What was the best moment of our relationship so far?
Shining light back on your best moments is one of the best ways to initiate an intimate conversation.
39. Would you rather make me breakfast in bed or prepare a candlelit dinner?
Careful. Don’t ask this question unless you are prepared to meet expectations.
40. Would you rather be proposed to in private, or in front of friends and family?
If you ask this question, it would be a good idea to have a ring ready!
41. Would you compromise your happiness for the sake of our relationship?
If the answer is yes – is the relationship truly successful?
42. How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset?
Everyone has different ways of reacting to things. Find out what to do and what to avoid when your partner is upset.
43. What things can we do to make our relationship stronger?
Every couple has factors of their relationship that they could work on.
44. What do you need to feel fulfilled in your life?
Fulfilment is one of the keys to happiness. Let your partner know you’re there to help them achieve it.
45. What is your biggest fear?
Talking about and facing your fears head-on is the best way to conquer them.
46. Is there something you’ve dreamed about doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it yet?
Help your partner to pursue their passions.
47. Tell me about a challenge you’ve been facing at work or school and ask me for advice on what to do.
Even in the best of relationships, couples sometimes don’t share their everyday troubles.
48. What are the biggest differences between us?
After all, opposites attract.
49. Tell me about a day in your past that you’ll never forget.
This question has the potential to bring out some interesting stories you haven’t heard before.
50. What do you think about most?
You may be surprised by the answer.
Importance of communication and trust in a relationship
Relationships are in fact not difficult to maintain with a healthy level of communication among one another.
When each person involved knows and understands how the other person feels about certain things, the relationship is more likely to last. Effective communication allows you to achieve this as you learn more things about the way you partner thinks.
This is why it’s advised to always be on the lookout for deep questions to ask in a relationship.
The list above provides you with enough to get started but as your relationship progresses, you should always be thinking about new questions or conversation topics.
As you learn more about each other, your bond will strengthen as will your level of trust in one another.
When you have reached a certain level of trust, your insecurities will have less effect on your conversations. Therefore, the more you trust each other, the more constructive and effective these questions will be to your relationship.
That’s all for our article on deep questions to ask in a relationship.
Be open-minded, understanding and above all, empathetic. When you ask each other these questions, remember the aim is to understand the other’s perspective.
Don’t be afraid to challenge your views. Ultimately, your goal is to listen and if you’re going to ask a deep question, you should also give the other person plenty of time and breathing room to give you a well-thought-out answer.